Life's not fair..really..it isn't..
A lot of things have shed to light these few days that made me realise how lonely I have been. It doesn't really make sense on how I've come to notice but it does make me surprised on how painful it is. Everything I have now is just a delusion, just a slight temperament with reality. It doesn't make sense, I know.
The people who I thought I could trust, who I thought I could depend on, are slowly letting go. I'm not really surprised, it's not the first time. But sometimes I want to avoid these situations of being alone. Because that's what I am now. Alone. It's all been a blur but now I see who my real friends are. None. None of them are here with me. And I doubt there will be. I have been sacrificing for the wrong people, the wrong friends. Maybe it's my fault that I couldn't see it in the first place.
I didn't see it coming until it was too late and I've already lost the fight. But maybe this closed door will open a new one for me. Somewhere, a place where I can find people more worthy of my sacrifices. But for now, alone is all I am. No matter how delusional I want to get or how much of my fantasy I live in, the cold hard truth is there. Maybe..maybe there will be a chance for me to show people who useful I am. Maybe there will be a time when everyone will start appreciating me..will comfort me..and will be equally happy with me..Maybe someday that will happen.
So from the start here I apologize to my friends, whether they consider themselves as my friends or otherwise, if all these years I've been a nuisance, a bother or a burden to every one of you. I know my presence isn't the best of all, but I'll try to make it better the way you guys like it. Maybe silence, maybe talk more, it doesn't matter.
From time to time I notice that I've been pretending too long, thinking too less. It's time for me to make myself better in every way. So help me if you can, and if you must, let me go as quickly as you can. Friends do come and go, but let the pain fade away as often as that.
"Never catch a hand saying you will always be a friend when you know that you won't because it hurts when you play with hearts." - Unknown
